Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
