Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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