what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
