I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
