I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
