just come out here and I will go home with you...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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