i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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