ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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