i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
