I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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