He is an equal opportunity slut.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
