i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
