i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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