I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
