Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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