we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
