I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
