Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize