I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
