a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
