True but thats because hes a fetus.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
