I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
