So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
