they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
