Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
