She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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