I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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