I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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