Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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