Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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