i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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