i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
