So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
