Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
