my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
