a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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