I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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