i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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