i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
