I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
