The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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