Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is Oprah even human
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
