PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
