I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
