the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
