I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
