You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
