i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
