I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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