was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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