I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
