Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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