Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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