i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
