I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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