We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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