What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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