Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm having to shit out rocks
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
