We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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