I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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