You surviving the open bar?
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I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize