our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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