So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
