My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
