I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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