Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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