I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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