Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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