genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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