genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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