he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
