OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize