I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
