So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
