What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
