I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
