sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
