This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
