Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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