I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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