look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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