Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
