Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
