so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize