Nicole vs. Life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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