I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
