life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
