I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
North Korea, Best Korea!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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