Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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