i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
