if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
