nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
