Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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