literally had 100 drinks last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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