Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dicks are not precious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
