haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
