good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
