Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
