just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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